The Judgemental Mother

I am getting really good at NOT being a judgemental mother.

For this I am ridiculously proud!

It's really hard not to be judgemental. To not believe that I am doing it the right way and other people aren't quite there yet.


We probably are doing this whole parenting business the right way... for OUR children. But as we all know, no two kids are exactly the same, and parents have different priorities for their children, or their priorities arranged in a different order of importance, so no two parents really parent 100% alike. Catch my drift?

My girlfriend recently commented to me that she is amazed at how content my daughter is playing with one toy. I explained to her that I have a two toy policy... no more than two toys to play with at any given time and as she has quite a few toys given to her by everybody else, these get rotated daily. Our girlfriend has a daughter who has always been surrounded by toys and is bored quickly with each toy she picks up to play with.

Before I knew it I was defending our friend saying how we each have different priorities. She has always been an 'on demand' mother, I trained my daughter in a schedule that meant she slept for the right amount of time, ate the right amount of times and have basically made people adhere to her schedule if they want to see her! I wish I could have been as relaxed as our friend (whose babies also eat and sleep the right amount!) but I needed to put her in a routine so I could feel secure I was doing things right.

I was at an Engagement Party on Saturday night and there was a married childless woman, a mother of a two year old boy and myself talking about children. I was telling the other ladies how much I enjoy how Missy Moo and I sing Nursery Rhymes every morning after her bottle, how we sing our ABC's at each nappy change and the games we play to excite her sense of touch and improve her motor skills. I love watching her reactions and seeing the improvements in her.

The mother of two was gobsmacked. She started explaining to me how she had so much to do during the week and how exhausted she was between work and taking care of the house, husband and boy. How all these things meant she didn't really have a chance to do these things with her boy. I had to tell her to stop making excuses because they weren't necessary! I told her that I have time to play games and research activities to do with my daughter because I work less then half the hours she does and I have two gorgeous cleaning ladies!

And yes, I know, I am spoilt rotten by my adoring husband who has never played the role of the token father, changing nappies, giving bottles and getting up in the middle of the night for her from day one. He is amazing, a legend and most days he's my hero when he's not making me want to scream for leaving the SAME GOD DAMNED CUPBOARD OPEN EVERY MORNING despite repeated requests that he please just humour me and close it.

We all do the very best we can, so why do we constantly feel like our best isn't good enough when another mother goes a mile further than us? And why do we secretly feel smug when we get something right that another mother just can't seem to get under control?

There is so much love and support in the online world, and yet I always feel it lacking in real life?

I do, or don't do, everything for a reason. So why don't I just explain my reason when people read relatives tell me other ways to do things? Instead I feel judged that they think something can be done better.

Do you catch yourself being a judgemental mummy? And how do you deal with feeling like you are being judged as a mother?